


The Strider Brotherhood

by a_mere_trifle



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Brotherhood, Friendship, Gen, Pesterlog, Unconventional Families
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-13
Updated: 2012-01-13
Packaged: 2017-10-29 11:39:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/319484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_mere_trifle/pseuds/a_mere_trifle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Davesprite, Di-Stri, life after near-death, obvious homosexuality, and the most complicated family tree known to man. How much can five minutes work out?</p><p>TG: because theyre gonna try and tell you different<br/>TG: but i am not your bro</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Strider Brotherhood

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly I'm not really drawing conclusions as to D??? Strider's sexuality yet. It just really, really worked.

  
TT: Hello.  
TG: sup bro  
TT: I was wondering if we could talk.  
TG: sure whatever not like im doing anything important  
TG: just floating around being orange and feathery and impaled and shit  
TG: whats on your mind  
TT: Well. It seems a little stupid now.  
TT: But there was something I wanted to tell you.  
TG: people telling me shit thatd be new  
TG: k go for it  
TT: Yeah, I will.  
TT: ...I might need to work up to it.  
TG: whatever what the fuck have i got but time  
TG: what do you want to chat about till then  
TG: weather  
TG: didnt get much weather out in space  
TG: you might think thered be meteor showers but no air  
TG: also it wasnt normal space  
TG: all green and shit  
TG: know harley likes it but christ i fucking hate green  
TG: itd be nice to see some rain or snow or shit  
TG: but i knew we werent gonna actually see earth  
TG: but whatever even game worlds are cool  
TG: so you gonna say anything  
TT: You seemed to be monologuing. I hated to interrupt.  
TG: lot of practice gotten good at it  
TT: You're very bitter, aren't you?  
TG: oh way to fucking notice bro  
TG: well you got nothing to do with it  
TG: more over with me on the wrong end of the pointy fucking dildo that is this game shit  
TG: rose tries to shrink my head sometimes  
TG: but she keeps running into a problem  
TG: shit is massively fucked up and i got some of the worst of it and its not going to get better from here  
TT: I don't think I've asked.  
TT: What are you, anyway?  
TG: you dont even know what you are yet  
TG: but ill give it a try  
TG: so im the original dave strider  
TG: except im not  
TG: dave strider is a paradox that never woulda existed without this bullshit  
TG: and im pretty sure i wasnt the first to go  
TG: i played the same bullshit game youre playing  
TG: but we fucked up  
TG: egbert decided to be a retard and get his dumb ass killed by the second to last boss at level one  
TT: Jane's ancestor, right?  
TG: to you maybe  
TG: to us it was the other way around  
TG: and i think originally all of you came first  
TG: but who the fuck knows anymore  
TG: all fucked up beyond recognition  
TG: but yeah the dumbass in the blue hoodie  
TT: This is all very complicated, yes.  
TG: jesus i wish youd stop typing like lalonde it freaks me the fuck out  
TG: guess thats just how it is  
TT: Funny. I could say the same about you.  
TG: man if i could drink i would so the fuck be taking advantage of those alcoholic genes  
TG: typo the shit out of everything give no fucks  
TG: you still give a fuck though dont you  
TT: It isn't really much of an escape.  
TT: And no, it doesn't seem to stop her from giving fucks at all.  
TT: Just enables her to ignore it for a while.  
TG: sometimes thats good enough  
TG: anyway what was i doing  
TG: oh yeah life story  
TG: so we were fucked  
TG: johns permadead game deadends unwinnable state  
TG: unescapable state too  
TG: empty fucking universe  
TG: me and rose  
TG: and her cat but trust me that doesnt count  
TG: then it turns out i can turn back time  
TG: so i gather up some intel and go back to the past  
TG: tell john not to be such a fucking dumbass  
TG: give past me my sweet loot  
TG: and do a pirouette into a kernelsprite  
TG: which mightve been stupid but even now i know it was better than calsprite  
TG: i am not talking about calsprite do not even ask  
TG: fucking abomination unto the lord  
TG: mere name is a curse less you know the better okay kid  
TT: I'm certainly not going to press the matter.  
TG: good job  
TG: so then im a sprite  
TG: semicorporeal  
TG: wings and sword and shit  
TG: bunch of game bulshit stuffed in my head  
TG: game construct even  
TG: but our games over  
TG: mine was finished twice  
TG: and im still here  
TG: and i dont know what the fuck im doing  
TG: and i dont know for how long  
TT: Well.  
TT: I must admit that's quite fucked up.  
TG: well you asked  
TG: so whats your story  
TT: It seems kind of... idiotic, now.  
TG: oh god  
TT: I was just going to tell you that...  
TT: I am a homosexual.  
TG: christ just say gay like a normal person dumbass  
TG: why did you want to tell me  
TG: we dont even know each other  
TG: unless youre really into birds and orange and quasi-incest why  
TT: No, no, you may rest easy. That's not it at all.  
TG: oh  
TG: wait you think i was worried you were gonna be humping my feathery ass  
TG: what the actual fuck  
TG: first off i try not to talk about sprite anatomy but i dont even have an asshole to cower in fear of you molesting you douche  
TG: maybe something with the sword but why are you making me think about this shit  
TG: second  
TG: christ i dont even remember what the second was  
TG: you really think im that kind of idiot  
TT: I wouldn't know.  
TT: I don't know you.  
TT: I've never known you.  
TT: You're the man who signs forms and pats me on the head and goes off to all his Hollywood and Business.  
TT: Very nice and respectable and an excellent brother.  
TT: But I don't know you at all.  
TG: see this is what i am pissed about  
TG: this right here  
TG: because theyre gonna try and tell you different  
TG: same dude different situations  
TG: really all works out the same right  
TG: but i am not your bro  
TG: just like you are not my fucking bro  
TG: my bro is dead  
TG: i was there and i saw it and i damn near got killed alongside him like i meant to  
TG: but i didnt and hes dead  
TG: and even if you exist  
TG: and even if egbert does some fucking sparkly power of love dance and brings everyone back  
TG: which at this point i would be okay seeing the asshole in a miniskirt  
TG: he thinks it was a goddamn ADVENTURE and it motherfucking kills me  
TG: even if he comes back its not gonna change that  
TG: and hes not coming back  
TG: hes going to be forgotten  
TG: because youre here  
TG: and thats the same isnt it  
TG: how many fucking striders you need running around i mean jesus  
TG: same chromosomes  
TG: same dude  
TG: but you arent him  
TG: and hes dead  
TG: and hes gone  
TG: and it is not okay  
TG: no amount of spacetime bullshit is going to make that okay  
TG: and no  
TG: i may be your brother  
TG: but i am not the fuck your bro  
TG: and i know what you are doing  
TG: everyone does it  
TG: your real bro is old and scary and fuck knows where  
TG: and the real dave is busy and too much like him with all his sweet gear and fly shit  
TG: and here i am  
TG: orange and feathery and naked  
TG: and still kinda him right  
TG: still close enough to count  
TG: practice  
TG: for the real thing someday maybe  
TG: bitch you seriously think youre the first  
TT: I'm not, am I?  
TG: no  
TT: You think I think you're not 'real'. You think you don't count.  
TG: because i dont  
TT: I apologize. You're probably right.  
TT: It was horribly obtuse of me.  
TT: I can't imagine it would work out well if you tried to treat me like your older brother.  
TG: you havent attacked me with a sword yet  
TG: obviously not him  
TT: He was into swords?  
TG: and attacking me  
TG: think he knew  
TG: bullshit tsunami was bearing down on us  
TG: and there werent any levees to begin with  
TT: Preparing you for the inevitable.  
TT: He sounds more like my brother.  
TT: Though we've had fewer swordfights.  
TG: what and theyre letting you in this game  
TG: how are you not gonna get your ass killed  
TT: I build robots.  
TT: See?  
TG: well ok thats impressive  
TG: robots with swords thatll work  
TG: and if you know some of that martial arts shit you programmed into it i guess you might survive  
TT: Your concern for my well-being isn't necessary, but I do appreciate it.  
TG: hey still brothers after all  
TG: just not your bro  
TT: Or not my Brother. I see potential for bro-itude, however.  
TG: fuck  
TG: whatever maybe  
TT: If the homosexuality isn't too jarring?  
TG: fuck dude you are rad ignorant  
TG: do you know how i grew up  
TT: No.  
TG: point taken  
TG: guess it would surprise you it comes as no surprise  
TT: It doesn't?  
TG: dude i grew up  
TG: surrounded  
TG: by puppet ass  
TG: bare puppet ass  
TT: Puppets?  
TT: I suppose puppets are often left around in various states of undress. If they have costumes.  
TT: I was into puppets?  
TG: yeah he was  
TG: and thatd explain the bare puppet ass  
TG: but not the puppet dick  
TT: ...  
TT: What?  
TG: puppet ass and dick and suspiciously dicklike nose  
TG: all around  
TT: You're trolling me, now, right?  
TG: i have pictures dude  
TG: whole principality of puppet porn  
TT: You are trolling me and I should not stand for it.  
TG: anyway i didnt think much of it when i was a kid  
TG: but in retrospect  
TG: you start thinking  
TT: I do wish you'd stop pretending you're being serious.  
TG: gears start turning you know  
TG: even at the time a little  
TG: only so many mountains of puppet ass you can get buried in before you start thinking  
TT: I couldn't possibly. I don't care what universe it was.  
TG: and your friends start talking  
TG: especially if theyve read fucking freud  
TG: 'hey maybe there is something unironic about this'  
TT: Ironic?  
TG: we were totes into irony bro  
TG: totes  
TT: Tell me "totes" is ironic.  
TG: tell me your ignorance is feigned  
TG: how can you be a strider-lalonde and not do irony  
TT: Oh, I know what irony is. Though I prefer to use a stricter definition.  
TG: did you need help swallowing that dictionary  
TT: ...Pornographic penile puppetry?  
TG: or does it come in pills in your time  
TG: dude i have pics  
TT: Oh, God, no.  
TG: see it and weep brother  
TG: see it and weep  
TT: Oh, fuck me.  
TT: Oh, I hope that didn't bring up any issues.  
TG: what the fuck how would it  
TG: okay i cant but why would i have thou  
TG: maybe with the sword  
TG: why are you making me th  
TG: YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE  
TT: You have exposed me to my own parallel-universe perversity.  
TT: I am obligated to get a little of my own back.  
TG: so you are a strider after all  
TT: Yes, it would appear so.  
TG: well welcome to the fucking clan brother  
TG: there are more of me that are dead but thatll have to wait  
TG: weve got company  
TT: Oh, my.  
TT: Had I been aware of their impending arrival, I would have prepared coffee and pastries.  
TT: Shall we go and give them a proper welcome anyway?  
TG: not to break the dudely banter but just to make sure  
TG: you do mean with swords and shit right  
TT: Whichever means of dispensing violence is most readily at hand.  
TG: okay good im with you then  
TG: lets go fuck shit up  
TT: After you, my brother.  
TG:   
TT: 


End file.
